I'd Like to Live Near You, My Friends
I recently finished the book I’ll Be There for You: The One About Friends; I can’t tell you how and why I came to read this book—I'm living in The Forgetful Time*—but I started and was immediately swept into the narrative of how Friends came to be and how it stayed (mostly) relevant through its ten-year tenure. Which, not so surprisingly, much of it had to do with the fact that the stars were real-life friends and saw themselves as a unit. Power to unions!
It’s good and if you liked Friends or have any interest in cultural studies or want to feel some 1990s nostalgia, I recommend it.
(Note: She does address and critique the homo/transphobic jokes as well as the whiteness of the show, important conversations to be continually having.)
What’s been on my mind since finishing it was a quote from Lisa Kudrow in response to doing a reunion. Essentially, she said that having a reunion show would just be sad—it's a show about youth and that sweet spot between finishing college and beginning “real adulthood”, where you get married, have kids, and settle down.
OK, sure, but WHAT IF? What if there was a sitcom about 6 friends in their 40s (and beyond) who had chosen to live within walking distance of one another, who had chosen to be an intentional community, to step in, not just for emergency childcare, but also for rides to doctor’s appointments, meals, and care when shit got tough, and deep enough bonds and trust to say I need you but also I need some space, can you come back later?
I have lots of little dreams and one of them is living within walking distance from my friends. Maybe I’m just finally paying attention but there seems to be more conversation happening about intentional proximity living and more research that shows this form of mutual connection and care are overall beneficial (see links below).
Last December I found a house for sale that was three houses down from some of my closest friends. It wasn’t necessarily a house style I loved but there was a beautiful sunroom with a fireplace and it was one level living so we could age in place but we just aren’t quite at a place financially where we can move. And I still don’t know if I want to! I love our location but don’t necessarily love our house or lot. (OK, OK, I also love my house payment and interest rate.)
But to be close to good friends, friends you’ve known for 20 years, friends you trust with your deep secrets, and that their care is genuine and not performative or guilt-driven? Well, that might be the pebble that tilts the scale.
In the meantime, TV execs—could we get a show that explores and reflects to us close-proximity living with friends?
*The Forgetful Time is what I’ve named this season in my life when I’m either so deep in my thoughts that I can’t absorb what people are saying or my brain ices over and things mostly just skid over the surface.
LINKS!
“Live Closer to Your Friends” from The Atlantic
“You’d Be Happier Living Closer to Your Friends. So Why Don’t You?” from Anne Helen Peterson’s newsletter, Culture Study
“Let’s Go Community Shopping” another from Anne Helen Peterson’s newsletter, Culture Study
“How to Live Near Your Friends” from Priya’s newsletter, Offscript (22 of her friends live within walking distance of each other!)